


Storybook Mysteries

by Icka M Chif (mischif)



Category: Magic Kaito
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Fairy Tale Elements, Fairy Tale Retellings, Gen, Mystery, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-01
Updated: 2007-11-29
Packaged: 2019-11-12 00:07:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18000044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mischif/pseuds/Icka%20M%20Chif
Summary: Hakuba Saguru is finding himself in trapped in stranger and stranger situations. Murder mysteries, sleeping beauties, unexpected kidnappings, in addition to surprisingly helpful phantom thieves. It's almost like he's stuck in some sort of strange fairy tale. Or lots of them.





	1. Glass Slippers

The only reason why Hakuba Saguru was at the Annual Policeman's Ball was because rumour had it that the Kaitou Kid had sent a heist notice regarding one of the many spectacular jewels that would be on display during the formal event. 

The potential heist was not why he was currently looking for the Kaitou Kid however. No, he was looking for the Kaitou Kid because at the moment, they both had the same motivation. Escape. 

He had completed this recent lap around the elaborate ballroom, eyeing potential escape routes and possible disguised thieves already and much to his regret, discerned that he would not be able to walk out the front door. There were too many people expecting it. 

So therefore, an escape out the back was called for. Unfortunately, the layout prevented all save those couples dancing on the floor from utilising that route. And his pursuers were beginning to close in on him, like a pack of rabid animals. 

Saguru stopped and bowed in front of a woman with long black hair, who was doing a beautiful impression of a wallflower in her lavender dress. "If I may request the pleasure of your company for this dance?" He inquired formally, offering her his hand. 

She startled, long hair sliding into her face. "I... I'm sorry..." She murmured, one gloved hand coming up in a shy gesture to touch her lips with her fingers. 

"Please?" Saguru said, willing his prospective dance partner to look up. He could sense the predators start to gather around, where he would not be able to avoid at least one of them. She did not. 

Saguru gritted his teeth, playing the one card he had hoped he wouldn't have to use in his desperate situation. "Or should I start hollering that I have caught the Kaitou Kid?" He growled softly, feel trapped. A furious blue eye glared at him from under the mane of dark hair. "You can waltz, I assume?" Saguru added glibly. 

The Kaitou Kid smiled back, not at all shy as he... 'she' took Saguru's hand and rose to 'her' feet. "Of course." Kid purred, the shy hesitant tone replaced by a low almost provocative purr, as if daring Saguru to find fault with her... his dancing skills. 

"Excellent." Saguru smiled tightly as he drew Kid past the crowd of feral females and onto the dance floor. "I'll lead." 

Kid nodded, more of a slight dip of the head as they took up dancing positions, Saguru's free hand resting on the slight curve of Kid's waist, Kid resting a hand on Saguru's shoulder. They gave a brief three count, then joined the swirling people on the floor, a dazzling array of colours and spinning precision. Saguru was privately pleased to find that his feet automatically knew the steps, freeing his concentration for other things. 

"So what do I owe the honour of this dance?" Kid inquired quietly in his usual mocking tones, following Saguru's lead flawlessly as as they waltzed, his body tense despite his casual attitude. 

"The lovely ladies who were gathering like sharks on the scent of blood." Saguru glanced at the crowd of women who were glaring daggers in the Kid's direction. There was a certain irony here, one that Saguru would laugh about later. "You do know who my father is?"

"Metropolitan Police Chief." Kid said, raising one eyebrow slightly, revealing one blue eye and one black eye. The thief had lost a coloured contact, which was probably why he had been hiding his face behind the long black strands of hair. "Commissioner Hakuba." 

"And as such, he wields quite a bit of political power. Therefore as his son, a detective and well known in police circles," Saguru deftly steering them around a lesser co-ordinated dancing pair. " -And the fact that I am blond and therefore 'exotic', I am looked upon as a favourable match to form alliances with."

The 'exotic' part worked both for and against his favour. On one hand it was eye-catching. On the other hand... it was eye-catching. 

"Is that what they're calling it these days." Kid murmured slyly, his mismatched eyes glancing towards the sea of vultures on the edges of the dance floor. "How very Georgette Heyer." 

Saguru was privately amazed the thief even understood the reference, much less could use it in the correct context. "Indeed." He drawled. "I trust you have successfully retrieved the item of tonight's excitement?" 

"Of course." Kid smirked. "The madam's husband decided he could guard the jewel on his own, without assistance. But there are places that even he is not allowed access to."

-Such as the ladies room, thus explaining the choice of tonight's disguise. "I also trust that it will be returned within an appropriate amount of time-?"

"Within the week, if certain detectives do not take to shouting in the middle of the ballroom." Kid said with a not-so-subtle barb.

"I believe you will find that this is your best chance for escape as well." Saguru smirked back. "I have already located and deflated your inflatables, by the way." 

"Mmm. Pity, that." Kid remarked in such a way that Saguru immediately found himself running through possible escape routes for the slippery thief that did not involve flight. The shaped balloons and blimps were often used for distraction while the Kaitou Kid slipped away through other means. They fell silent for a moment as the thief pushed slightly on Saguru's shoulder, subtly steering them away from a potential collision from behind. 

It was pleasant, Saguru mused to himself, to dance with someone who knew what they were doing. The few dances he had been unable to avoid earlier had resembled more of a drag than any sort of a dance. But to really -waltz-, both people had to have the ability to read and know the other person's movements and follow the steps. 

Not entirely unlike a heist chase, he supposed. Only more gracefully and without the shouting and the mass chaos. 

"How did you find me anyway?" Kid asked, once the potential disaster had been averted. "Other than my lost contact. I haven't been able to find where it dropped." 

Saguru debating against telling the thief how he had spotted him... One of the last things the police force needed was for Kid to gain even more of an advantage over them than he already had. But at the same time, he felt that he owed the thief that much of an explanation. Kid didn't need him to get away, Saguru needed the Kid. 

"Your dress." He finally admitted. "Your form has filled out since I first started chasing you, so you chose something with a shawl to camouflage your broader shoulders, and petticoats to disguise the lack of hips. The wide black choker to hide your Adam's apple was also a give away. You also have a habit of choosing disguises that are more practical to move in rather than something that would be more decorative, but restrictive."

As one of the few dresses without sequins or ribbons, Kid's rather simple looking satin dress had stood out slightly from the crowd.

"The shoes as well." Kid gave him an amused almost leer. "Proper looking heels are pain to find. They pinch too." 

"I can well imagine." Saguru smirked back. After all, -he- did not have to wear them. "There are other differences as well, such as the placement of elbows and the centre of balance, but your dress was the primary give away."

Kid made a thoughtful sound, then shrugged. "Not much I can do about it. You're right, I'm not as slim as I once was. Perhaps I could stand to lose a kilo or two. Does this dress make me look fat?"

Saguru's mouth opened, then shut again. Was it a serious question, or was the thief taunting him? Finally he settled on the best answer that any male can give. "No. Certainly not." 

"Liar." Kid taunted with a sly smile. "It makes my hips look like a cow's." 

Okay, now the thief was certainly teasing him. He held a stern glare at the thief for a minute before giving it up as a lost cause and laughing. The Kid gave him a blinding grin in return, full of silent amused laughter. 

"Shall I check and find out?" Saguru inquired once his laughter faded, sliding his hand down just past where was considered proper, to see if he could make the thief jump. Which Kid did, just a bit.

"Bad detective." Kid scolded lightly, eyes narrowing in warning although the smile never quite left his face. "No touchie."

"Yes ma'am." Saguru said dutifully, putting his hand back where it had been previously, on Kid's waist. It felt strangely good to have the opportunity to tease the thief, it often felt like he was on the end of an endless stream of pranks with no way to turn the tables. 

Kid smirked at him again, as if sensing Saguru's thoughts. The music reached a crescendo, the two of them swirling faster before the music stopped. Saguru spun Kid out, as the music ending, not releasing the thief's hand as they bowed to each other, grinning predatorily.

"Shall we?" Saguru asked as they straightened, offering Kid his arm like he would for a lady. Kid gave him a coquettish look under his lashes as he took Saguru's arm, the two of them ambling towards the back before the music started again, just another couple off for a moonlit stroll. They passed by several other paramours, all retreating to the privacy of the gardens out back. 

They wandered the gardens, avoiding any bushes that were either moving or making noise until they reached a doorway, that lead to a side alley. Saguru had noticed it when he'd first done a brief inspection of the grounds before the party had really started and he'd been called inside to be social. 

"Thank you for the pleasure of your company." Saguru said, unhooking his arm from the Kaitou Kid's as he turned to thank the thief. Kid took a small step back, just out of arm's reach. "And the dance."

"You're welcome." Kid smiled back, tilting his head so that strands of long hair fell across his face again, covering his face in shadows. "And thank you for the escape." 

"That feeling is mutual." Saguru agreed, holding out a hand. "Now my possessions, before you disappear, if you please."

Kid hesitated, just for a second, before he laughed quietly. "Very good, Tantei-san." He said, his voice full of mirth as he held out Saguru's pocketwatch and wallet. Saguru smirked slightly as he took his possessions back. He put his wallet away without checking how much money he had, trusting the thief not to actually take any of his money. Or, at least take his money and not return it.

"Anything else?" Saguru questioned, smugly amused. 

"That's it." Kid said, spreading his hands as if to show innocence. "Have a safe trip home."

"You as well." Saguru inclined his head. "Do not get caught." 

Kid curtsied in return, then appeared to explode in a cloud of pink smoke and confetti. Saguru coughed and waved the smoke away, revealing an open doorway and a bunch of glitter on the ground. 

Kid really needed to stop doing that. 

+++

The next school day, Saguru walked into class and set a white envelope with a gold wax seal affixed to the back on Kuroba Kaito's desk. 

The indigo-eyed magician stared at the envelope on his desk with a wary expression before poking it with a pencil, as if expecting it to explode in his face. "What's this?" Kuroba's closest friend, Nakamori Aoko, leaned over and after a dirty look to Kuroba picked it up and held it up to the light to inspect it. 

"An invitation." Saguru sat down at his assigned seat. 

"Oh! Hakuba-kun!" Aoko sat the envelope back down. "That reminds me, how was the ball?" 

"Enchanting." Saguru said, without any of the sarcasm he was famous for colouring his tone. "I met the most interesting lady there and had a wonderful time dancing with her. The invitation is from my father, inviting her to join he and I for dinner later this week. Sadly, I know not where to find her, so I'm afraid that it is rather an invitation in vain." 

"I see." Kuroba said, lifting the invitation up and fanning himself slightly with it, with a muted mischievous smirk. "And you're looking for help to find your mystery lady?"

"No. I thought you might find the story amusing." Saguru smirked back, leaning back in his chair. "My father was rather excited about the lady, as it appears that she is the first person I've showed interest in since coming to Japan other than the Kaitou Kid." 

++fin++


	2. Jaken and the Beanstalk

_*plink*_

_*plink*_

_*plink*_

Saguru looked at the dead body in the middle of the Moyashi skyscraper lobby and wished that he had the faith that Nakamori seemed to possess. 

_*plink*_

He also thought that no one was ever going to want to listen to that water harp ever again. Usually water trickled down over the golden figure of a lovely young woman and dripped on to the harp strings below, creating a soft relaxing musical sound. 

_*plink*_

_*plink*_

However, at the moment it wasn't water that was creating the previously relaxing sound, but the blood dripping down off the tall figure of Jaianto-san, the CEO of Moyashi Industries. The businessman was speared by the statue's outstreached hands, having fallen from a height, his face a grotesque ogreish mask in death. No one had yet clambered up to close the man's eyes and Saguru wished someone would. 

_*plinkplink*_

_*plink*_

It wasn't that Saguru had an aversion to dead bodies, quite the opposite, he was well accustomed to death in it's many forms. It was the situation that churned his stomach. 

A dead business mogul. A missing gemstone. And the main suspect was the Kaitou Kid.

_*plink*_

Nakamori had taken one look at the evidence, the lack of a heist note and the dead body, laughed like a barking dog and left. Saguru sometimes wondered if the older Inspector didn't have some sort of information that the rest of the world wasn't privy to, to have that kind of faith in the mercurial thief's nature to automatically discount the idea that the Kid would kill. 

Saguru needed facts. He needed evidence. He needed cold logical proof that-

"I didn't do it." 

_*p-plink*_

_*plink*_

Saguru startled and turned as he realised that someone was standing at his shoulder close enough to breathe down his neck without him sensing that he had been approached at all. 

The man standing behind him was in a business suit, one of the countless drones that filled the building during the daylight hours. A few --enough to create a decent enough sized crowd-- had remained after hours, working on whatever it was that people in business suits who weren't the police worked on. 

Except... that this everyday business drone had blue eyes. Rich dark familiar indigo eyes against an unfamiliar, unremarkable face. And there were smiling Kaitou Kid caricatures woven into the fabric of his navy coloured tie. 

_*plink*_

"Do you have proof?" Saguru whispered, closer to a hiss. They were surrounded by officers on all sides and the Kaitou Kid had the balls to just waltz up to him to talk!

"Will you help clear my name?" Kid whispered back, his unfamiliar face and tones unusually sharp. Saguru nodded once, more of a small jerk of the head. Politely, like he was giving an introduction to a business colleague, the Kaitou Kid offered him a business card. Only it was slightly larger than your standard business card. Feeling slightly numb, Saguru took the card and glanced over it. 

It was a Heist Note. A simple riddle which made perfect sense when you took into account that 'Moyashi' meant 'Bean Sprout' and the Skyscraper was an allegory for a Bean Stalk. It was set for 20:00... tomorrow night. 

"I was here to deliver the letter to Mister Jaianto." Kid said in that crisp unfamiliar professional voice and Saguru noticed that they had gained some attention by the officers. "I'm afraid I was unable to do so before his... accident." 

_*plink*_

_*plink*_

"Come with me." Saguru growled, resisting the urge to grab the Kaitou Kid by the wrist and drag him off to someplace isolated. He settled for a hand on the small of the Kid's back and quickly ushered him to the elevators and away from that damned harp. The wait for the doors to open took a small eternity in Saguru's opinion and he nearly threw the thief inside once they did, quickly pressing the button for the top floor. 

"Are you out of your insane mind?!" He growled as the doors finally shut, sealing them away from the rest of the officers. "Do you know how many people are out there for your blood right now?!" And Kid had just walked through them like he was on a Sunday stroll. 

The mask of the polite businessman faded away into the Kid's familiar mocking grin. The thief leaned against the wall, his body language oozing smug confidence. "Can you think of a better way for me to talk to you under the circumstances?" Kid inquired with his normal voice. Or at least what Saguru assumed to be his normal 'Kid' voice. The man was a master of changing his voice after all. 

Perhaps a phone call? Hell, even a paper aeroplane note. It worked in class often enough. Smoke signals. Something other than walking through a crowd of jumpy police officers. Saguru sighed. Fighting with the Kid over his tactics would get them nowhere. 

"We can talk on the roof." He finally said, leaning against the wall opposite from the Kid. "Unless you happen to have your hang-glider on you in that suit of yours and are planning on making your escape this way."

"Talk is fine." Kid shrugged. "Although I do have a means of escape stashed away up there."

"Not anymore." Saguru muttered to himself as the elevator slowed to a stop. Kid gave him an odd look as the doors opened and Saguru strode out, trusting that the thief would follow them. They managed to avoid any officers as they made their way to the staircase that led to the roof. 

Saguru glanced around the rooftop as he exited the stairwell, pleased to discover it empty. "It's clear." He announced, stepping towards the middle of the roof. He didn't mind heights, but edges made him just a touch nervous. The long drop and all. "Although I must admit I'm rather surprised that you have not fled the scene by now."

"Why would I flee when I am innocent of the charge?" Kid did his own check of the rooftop before sticking his hands in his pockets, looking up at the moon. "And believe me, Tantei-san, I am just as annoyed by this as you are." 

Probably more so, it wasn't Saguru's name on the line. "What can you tell me?" He said, crossing his arms, mostly for warmth. The night air had a cold bite to it. 

"Jaianto-san acquired a large Alexandrite stone recently, cut into the shape of a bean, about half the size of your head. Lima bean green during the day, anzuki bean red under a incandescent light. News of the stone leaked out, catching my attention. I think he was expecting this."

"I am presuming that this is not the reason he took a long drop from a short balcony, is it?" Saguru couldn't help but to ask, if nothing more than to verify that the Kid had nothing to do with the murder downstairs.

Kid appeared amused. "This was a few weeks ago, when I first started casing the place. There was a post-it note addressed to me on his computer screen, requesting that if I did steal the stone, that it be returned before his wife's birthday, it's her present." 

Saguru's eyebrows rose. "That is a new one." Usually it was the thief leaving notes, not receiving them from the person he was planning on stealing from. 

"Yeah." Kid grinned, amused. "Her birthday's next week, so I figured I should pull this week. Now it's been two weeks worth of work down the drain."

An interesting note. "And here I was of the opinion that you made it up as you went along." Saguru commented. 

"Only if I have to." Kid gave him a rueful smile. "Between you, Nakamori-keibu and the shrimp, I don't mind saying that sometimes I plan things out months in advance, just to keep you on your toes."

Saguru didn't bother to hide the smirk that information brought. It was nice to know they were more than just the occasional pain in the side for the often irritating Kaitou. "And that is what you were doing here tonight? Setting up for the heist tomorrow night?"

"Yeah." Kid reached up and scratched the back of his head. "You can ask some of the folks downstairs if they saw a janitor working unusually late, that was me. Usually the cleaning staff is gone by about 21:00 and a few noticed that a cleaning person was here past the usual time." 

He didn't need to verify that fact, he'd already heard it mentioned downstairs. But it was nice to have something to substantiate Kid's story. "Did you see anything today?"

Kid gave him a sour look, his expression turning sombre. Or sombre for him, it was hard to tell with the Kid. "I was pushing the cleaning cart back to the closet on the fourth floor where I got it from when... the body fell past me. It hit the fountain with a loud splat, which is probably what drew everyone's attention. I looked up at the balcony above me and saw two people turn away."

"You are positive?" Saguru pressed. "It was two people and Jaianto-san was dead before he hit the ground?"

The look he got in return was almost enough to chill his blood. "Yes." Was all the Kaitou Kid said.

Saguru swallowed, feeling ten kinds of fool. He'd written it up in his reports, it was one of the thief's greatest strengths and occasional flaw. The Kaitou Kid possessed a perfect, or near perfect eidetic memory. The ability to remember with nearly complete recall. Kid wasn't going to be able to -forget- what he had seen any time soon. "Apologies." He murmured. 

Kid waved it off. "I can't give you much more detail than that. I didn't see their faces, but Jaianto-san's torso was definitely covered in blood and there was no one home upstairs when he fell." 

"So whoever killed him threw him over the tallest balcony in the lobby to cover it up." Saguru murmured. "Possibly make it look like a suicide."

"Possibly." Kid agreed with a shrug. "I'm still not sure how my name got tied into it however. I was laying low when the police arrived."

"Tampering to the security system was discovered when the police started investigating." Saguru informed him. "And one of your blimps plus inflatable mannequin was found on the rooftop." He motioned to where the chalk outline marked where the blimp had been discovered. Investigators had already carried it away. 

Kid stared at the spot for a moment. "Tantei-san?" He finally said, scratching his chin. 

"... Yes?"

"-That's not where I had hidden it." 

Meaning that someone else had found the Kid's equipment and purposely moved it to a location where the police could easily find it. 

"Oh, bugger."

+++

A quick change of costume for the Kid --Saguru really did not wish to know how often having a reversible suit, business on one side, officer on the other, came in handy-- and they were back downstairs to answer Megure-keibu's summons.

Kid stayed a step behind him as they walked, a silent shadow that turned slightly tense as they spotted the knot of officers talking together. "You know them?" Saguru murmured as the thief shifted slightly to hide behind Saguru. The suspects were scattered around the edges of the room while the police officers talked. 

"Sort of." Kid commented. "I've impersonated Shiratori, Takagi, and Chiba at one time or another. Tight knit bunch, not a bad group."

"But they're not Nakamori either." Saguru filled in. Investigation Unit One was surprisingly laid back for a group of people who dealt with murder and all the paperwork that brought on a regular basis. They were polite and friendly enough, but Saguru often had the feeling that he was being sized up against some invisible person and found lacking whenever he dealt with them. 

No, he much preferred working with Nakamori and the Kaitou Kid Task Force. Sure, they were all jumpy as hell, but there was a -reason- for it. Besides the Kaitou Kid occasionally sneaking in and changing the caffeine levels of their coffee. 

Kid made an amused sound. "Yeah." The thief was fond of the officers that chased him, in his own strange way. 

They drifted close enough to the police to catch snippets of conversation and he felt his heart sink when he heard the officers comment that it looked like the Kaitou Kid had actually done it, probably by accident, after Jaianto had stumbled upon him looking around. It took a bit of effort to keep his face still at that. 

A tug at his arm gained his attention and they drifted away from the police. "The crying young woman." Kid murmured, drawing attention to one woman by herself in the corner. 

"Jaianto-san's daughter." Saguru explained. She had been the model for the water harp below. It had been commissioned for her 16th birthday and the company's anniversary. 

Kid's head tilted to the side. "You're sure." 

"Pretty sure." 

"Oh." Kid said. Saguru turned and looked at him. "I thought she was Jaianto-san's wife. I saw them talking earlier."

"No." Saguru pointed to the bawling middle-age woman being comforted by a figure in yet another business suit. "She is."

"Oh." Kid said again. "OooOOoh." He repeated, looking as embarrassed as someone in a latex mask can. 

Saguru gave him a suspicious look. "What?"

"I thought she was Vice President Jaken-san's wife." Kid said delicately. "I... walked in on them earlier. Several times. Accidentally, of course."

And from the sound of it, the Kid had seen more of them than was socially acceptable. However, the interesting thing was that he'd heard that sleeping with the CEO's wife was the least of what Jaken-san was up to. 

Kid had seen two people after Jaianto-san's fall, and Jaianto-san's large stature made it nearly impossible for a single person to carry, much less lift someone of that size over a tall balcony wall. But it wasn't improbable for two people to do it. Two people who were already up to their ears in dark dealings. 

Saguru stepped forward. "Megure-keibu, I think I may know what happened." 

+++

"Hey." Aoko greeted Saguru as he set his bag down on his desk. Kuroba ignored him, his head in his usual morning newspaper. "I heard that you had some excitement this weekend." 

"Of sorts." He admitted. "How was yours?"

"Nah-uh." Aoko waved a scolding finger at him as she turned to face him. Kuroba shifted slightly to accommodate her movements, still ostentatiously reading his paper. "You first. Spill." 

"I heard the Kid killed someone." Keiko said, joining what was becoming a small group.

He sighed, noticing a few other students subtly moving closer as well to listen in. "It is not what you might think." He said. And unless he was mistaken, Kuroba smirked at that. 

"The Kaitou Kid may have been the primary suspect at first, but the true culprit was a man who had made some poor choices early in life, giving away his cash cow for practically nothing. Out of this mistake, Moyashi Industries was born, which he eventually started at as a bean counter and worked his way up to Vice President." 

Normally he would not be giving away as many details as to the criminal and his motives, but the Kaitou Kid had disappeared shortly after Saguru had begun his analysis of events. And while clearing the Kid while the thief was standing there would have been ideal, explaining it while Kuroba was listening was a close second.

"Along the way up, he managed to embezzle money, steal a computer program that was to be the company's proverbial golden goose and sleep with the CEO's wife to cover it up. It was by chance Jaianto-san stumbled upon this last part and by accident, they killed him. In an attempt to camouflage the misdeed, they pushed him off the highest balcony in the lobby."

A few horrified sounds echoed through the small crowd. 

"Unfortunately for Kuroba's favourite thief-" Saguru continued with a slight drawl in his voice. Kuroba pointedly turned the page in his newspaper, ignoring him. "-The Kaitou Kid happened to be setting up his next heist at Moyashi Industries at that time. A few things were shifted to bring attention to the Kaitou Kid's presence. This ruse did not last long and the criminals were taken away after confessing to what they had done."

He shrugged and spread his hands out. "And that's really all there is to it. I'm sorry to disappoint you if you were looking for sordid details."

The crowd murmured and dispersed, leaving him with just Aoko, Keiko and Kuroba around him again. Kuroba rustled his newspaper, straightening the pages. "I don't know..." Keiko mused. “It sounds to me like the Kaitou Kid owes you one for clearing up his name.”

"Keiko-chan!" Aoko said, horrified. Keiko laughed and the two girls started a friendly bicker match over the virtues of the Kaitou Kid, or the lack thereof.

"No." Saguru said quietly as he pulled his books out and set them on the desk. "I think we're even."

Kuroba just rustled his paper again and smiled.

Even for now, anyway.

-fin-


	3. Twelve Dancing Princesses

Saguru opened his eyes, taking stock of the bedroom he had been loaned for the night. He couldn't see anything that had been shifted from when he had closed his eyes, but it didn't hurt to check. 

He sat up, pulling his handkerchief out of his pocket and spat into it, removing the last of the bitter taste of the sleeping pill he'd been slipped. Idiots. As if he wouldn't recognise the effects of a soporific after all this time spent chasing the Kaitou Kid. 

Outside of the room, he could hear muffled squeals and shouts of a floor full of girls getting ready to slip from their dorm rooms. 

Not for the first time, Saguru wondered about the place he was supposedly working for. Every night, all twelve college girls from the Crackernuts Dorms would disappear. Every morning, the girls would be found in their rooms, their shoes all worn out or broken. 

It was enough to make the elderly gentleman who ran the place suspicious and ask for police help. The police had searched the dorms, but they had found no sign of how the girls disappeared. The security system showed no signs of tampering, nor had anyone seen anyone anyone entering or leaving the residence.

Yet the girls still disappeared. 

And they refused to say anything about their mysterious disappearances. And since they weren't pressing charges or offering explanations, the police could do little. But Saguru, as a private detective, could provide answers to put the old man's mind at ease. 

Although he did question the elderly man's judgement, putting a high school teenage boy in a side room on a floor of young women. More for his protection than theirs, after what he had just experienced. He had -not- been expecting the leader of the girls to try to slip him some sleeping powder in a cup of coffee. Fortunately he had seen through that on the first sip and feigned sleep, the girls leaving him alone and laughing at his stupidity. 

They'd see who would be laughing at whose stupidity in the end. 

Saguru slipped from the bed, sneaking to the door. The girls were almost finished getting dressed, he could hear them gathering in the other room. He peered out the slightly open door, noticing that the room that he was adjoined to was nearly empty, there was just one girl in the room.

One girl, who was moving someone to the head of the bed and hiding the body with a covering of pillows. 

That could not be good.

He moved from the doorway, slinking across the room. He grabbed the girl and flipped her onto the empty bed, pinning her down. 

"Tantei-san?!" A very masculine voice exclaimed from the female form pinned beneath him. "What are you doing here?!"

"Kid?" Saguru stared down at the 'young woman' in the fancy dress beneath him. "What am I doing here? What are YOU doing here?! I should arrest you for breaking and entering, and assaulting people in their homes!"

"She looked like she needed the rest." Kid said with an insolent smirk as the thief's gaze travelled up Saguru's form, back down and up again. Saguru blushed as he realised their positions. He currently had the Kaitou Kid's hands pinned above his head, his legs straddling the thief's waist. He quickly released the thief, scrabbling backwards on the bed. 

"Thank you." Kid smirked, a lecherous leer that looked out of place on the girl's face he was wearing. The thief flipped the long hair of a dark wig over his... her... --dammit, he never knew which gender to refer the thief as when the Kid crossdressed-- HIS shoulder. "And as to answer your question, I'm here to check out their huge...."

Kid paused, looking down at his hands in mild surprise. The thief had apparently forgotten about his current appearance and his hands were resting on his protruding prosthetic breasts. Saguru blinked. Kid blinked. Kid squeezed the cleavage. It squished slightly. 

"... Tracks of land?" Saguru filled in. 

"Jewels, actually." Kid said absentmindly, groping himself. The breasts jiggled as he did so, providing a very pervasive distraction. "Wanted to see if there were any worth sending a heist note in for..." 

"Would you please stop that?" Saguru snapped. 

"Sorry." Kid poked the breasts again, a proud grin on his face. "I just realised I did a good job making these. Wanna feel?"

"No." Saguru pinched his eyes shut. Although the offer was slightly tempting on a tactile level. Not that he'd ever admit it out loud to the mischievous thief. "Thank you." 

Kid shrugged, silently communicating 'your loss'. "Anyway. What are you doing here?"

"I was asked to look into their disappearances." Saguru sat back as Kid reached over and finished hiding the sleeping girl he was impersonating. "How long have you been here?"

"Few days. I've tried following them twice before." Kid explained, satisfied with his hiding job and reaching up to fiddle with the wig. "Couldn't track where they were going, so I figured I'd try the sneak approach."

"How fortuitous." Saguru muttered dryly, glancing around as the volume outside increased. Further discussion was delayed as he found himself pushed down onto the mattress, Kid leaning over him. Saguru twisted his head so he could see the thief.

The bedroom door creaked behind him as Kid smiled cheerfully, all signs of the thief gone, replaced by the illusion of a college girl getting ready for a night on the town. "Get a move on!" A girl's voice insisted from the door. "It's time!"

"I'm coming! I'm coming!" Kid waved at the other person as other footsteps thundered past. "I just had to find the earring I dropped!" 

"Whatever. Hurry up!" The person at the door walked away, high heels clacking on the hard floor. 

The party girl persona faded, replaced by the Kid's serious expression as the thief stepped away from the bed. "Are you going to attempt to arrest me tonight, Tantei-san?" Kid inquired, just the slightest bit of mocking in his tone, as if Saguru could -try- it, but it wouldn't succeed. 

Saguru thought about it for a moment, then sighed. If he tried to arrest the Kid now, it would be loud and noisy which would reveal to the girls that he'd faked his slumber, which would blow his chance to find out what was going on. "No." He growled surlily. "I will do so at another time."

"Excellent." Kid grinned back, as if he had realised the position Saguru's was in long before Saguru had. "I'm going to be at the back of the pack. Follow me if you can without getting caught." 

Saguru nodded, quickly committing the thief's clothing to memory. Blues this time, a short navy blue dress, high at the bottom, low at the top, a long pale blue coat over that was laced tight at the waist, flaring out at the elbows and waist. Brown hair down to the mid-back, half up in a bun, silver jewellery. From the glimpses of the other girls, all of them were in different colours, so he shouldn't be too terribly hard to spot in a crowd.

"Nice legs." He commented as Kid quickly slipped into a pair of high heels that made the thief's legs look even longer. 

"Thanks." Kid smirked. "Bit of a suggestion? Ditch the coat. It's too identifiable." 

And then the Kid was out the door, proficiently teetering on heels that made Saguru dizzy just to look at. Saguru sighed, then rose from the bed, removing his inverness coat as he had been bid. He made a quick trip to his assigned room, shifting the pillows on the bed to at least the minor illusion of occupancy and leaving his inverness on top. The weather wasn't too terribly cold anyway and he'd be fine in his usual suit. He cast a small grateful thought to what ever had made him decide to wear black today. 

A pair of footsteps thundered by, the voices gathering in the room next door. Saguru crept to the doorway, ears straining for clues as to what was going on. 

"Everyone here?" The leader of the girls called over the muffled symphony of whispers and giggles. Affirmatives were given. "Did someone check on our guest?"

Saguru stiffen, ready to flee back to room he had just left when the voice the Kid had been imitating earlier spoke up. "I did. He's still out. Sleeping like a baby." The last was said in a mocking sing-song which caused twitters of amusement from the rest of the crowd. Saguru relaxed, creeping forward once more. 

"Alright then." The leader said, bringing the mocking laughter to a halt. "If we're ready, here we go."

He carefully stuck his head out of the doorway, looking into the room the other girls were in. Through the mass of people, he could see the leader press against part of her bed, the bed shifting away from the wall and revealing a rectangular hole in the floor. The leader stepped into the hole without hesitation, walking downward as if she were going down a flight of spiral stairs. The next girl started down as soon as the Leader disappeared. 

As the Kid had promised, he stayed at the back of the crowd. The pack of girls trickled down, talking softly among themselves and laughing gleefully, obviously looking forward to where they were going. When the last girl went down, the Kid glanced around and motioned for Saguru to follow, before walking down the staircase himself. 

Saguru did so, pausing at the stop of the staircase to pull out his mobile phone and taking a picture of the hidden exit first before descending the stairs. The staircase was metal and looked like it folded up when the cover was closed due to a system of counter weights. He tried to follow as quietly as possible and despite the soft soles on his shoes, he still managed to make more noise going down than the Kid did in high heels. He wasn't entirely certain if it was himself or Kid's doing, but they managed to get their footsteps in synch with each other. 

"Do you hear something strange?" The girl in front of the Kid inquired casually. Saguru twitched, nearly missing a step. "The stairs sound odd." 

"Nope." Kid replied cheerfully. "It's probably just getting old. -Or you're hearing things." 

"Yeah." Said the girl in front of the one who had asked about the question. "Remember how much noise it made when we first came down here? I thought it was going to collapse under us or something." 

The conversation shifted to near accidents going down a small spiral staircase in dim light while wearing platform shoes and three inch heels. Saguru, not for the first time, wondered just how insane it was to wear such torture devices, no matter how sexy some people thought they looked. He much preferred flattering, but practical clothing. 

There was silver light at the bottom of the stairs, illuminating what looked like the branch of a maintenance tunnel. Kid paused a few steps away from the staircase, fiddling with his shoes. Saguru understood why as soon as he stepped off the staircase, the metal creaking as it spun and retracted upwards. Fortunately the other girls did not appear to notice the delay in the staircase's disappearance as they toddled eagerly down the tunnel. 

Kid's eyes flickered in his direction briefly before the thief followed, hips swaying and a pouting cry of "Wait for me~!" Saguru paused again to take a picture of the silver illuminated tunnel before following behind at a decent distance. The lights changed from silver to a goldish colour, and he took another picture. The pace picked up as they passed through the golden tunnels. The light changed again from gold to a bright white, the walls sparkling like diamonds. He took a picture of these tunnels as well and then nearly revealing himself when the tunnels suddenly stopped, opening up into what was probably an underground garage. 

He stepped back into what little shadows there were, observing a line of limousines picking the girls up. Each one got into a limousine as it pulled up, one girl per car. Kid once again hung back, approaching the last car as it pulled up. The thief made a startled exclamation, pointing at something off to one side as he motioned Saguru forward with the other hand. Saguru scurried forward, diving into the open door as Kid made squealing comments about huge revulsive rats. 

Kid climbed into the limousine, still whinging about rats as he closed the door behind them. The limousine pulled away, driving off into the night. 

"You okay?" Kid whispered in his normal voice as he settled himself on the back seat, daintily crossing one leg over the other. Saguru sat on the floor, hopefully out of sight of the driver. 

"Fine." Saguru sighed, running a hand down his face. He felt slightly grungy after the walk through the tunnels, despite the lack of stink or filth. "You?"

"Peachy." Kid smirked, tossing the long hair over his shoulder again. 

Saguru nodded. Of course Kid was fine, he thought mockingly to himself. It wouldn't do to show weakness in front of a detective. -Or vice versa, for Saguru to show weakness in front of the thief. Despite their current... non-arrangement, they still were enemies. He was supposed to be catching this idiot, not following his lead without question. "Any idea where we're going?"

"Vaguely." Kid spread out the fingers of one hand, inspecting his nails. "I'm afraid you may not like it however."

That brought Saguru's eyebrows up. "Oh?"

Kid smiled back. It would have been a sweet expression if it had been anyone else other than the Kaitou Kid under that mask. "Never mind." Saguru muttered. He'd find out when they got there. 

Finding out didn't take incredibly long, the limousine stopped by an apartment building, the door opening for an attractive young man in his early twenties. Kid smiled and posed coquettishly at his appearance, something that slightly disturbed Saguru. He was more disturbed however by the man's greeting upon entering the car. "Your prince is here!" 

"How sweet." Kid tittered as the door shut. And then sprayed the man in the face with a small aerosol can Saguru was not entirely sure where the thief had pulled it from, nor was he going to inquire too deeply about. 

"Think you're about the same size?" Kid asked, raising an eyebrow. Saguru glanced at the sleeping man. Yes, they were. Kid smirked. "Good. Shirt off." 

"... What?" 

"You'll stand out too much like that." Kid explained, stripping the shirt and coat off of the sleeping man with a speed that spoke of much practice. "Do you need a hand?" 

"No." Saguru quickly peeled off his coat and worked on unbuttoning his shirt cuffs. Kid tossed him the burgundy silk shirt, the fabric draping itself over Saguru's face. He pulled it off, wrinkling his nose at the stench of too much cologne. "This shirt stinks."

"Trust me, the rest of this joker don't smell much better." Kid commented with a wrinkled nose of his own as Saguru untucked his shirt from his trousers. "Hurry up." 

"I'm hurrying." Saguru grumbled, not bothering to unbutton his shirt, merely undoing the first few buttons and pulling it over his head. He pulled on the dark red shirt, fastening the cuffs. 

"Don't tuck the shirt in." Kid advised, shifting the sleeping man towards Saguru. "You can put your coat on if you want." 

Saguru frowned, but did as he had been bid. Kid passed him the sleeping man and Saguru moved him to the front of the limo where he could sleep off the gas. He caught sight of his reflection in the glass and his frowned deepened. "I look like a pimp." He grumbled. 

"Good. It means that you don't look like a detective." Kid approved, patting the seat next to him. Saguru sat down with an annoyed grunt. The thief smiled back, spinning sideways so his legs draped across Saguru's lap in a much too friendly gesture. Kid made a kissy face at him before pulling a pair of dark sunglasses from somewhere and deftly setting them on Saguru's face. "Now pretend that you're young, handsome and rich."

"In case it has escaped your attention," Saguru drawled arrogantly, situating the sunglasses more comfortably on his face. "I -am- young, handsome and rich." 

Kid laughed, a low amused sound that had no trace of mockery in it. "That's the spirit." The thief patted him on the head, ruffling his hair. "Just keep that attitude up." 

"Hmm." Saguru raised an eyebrow. "Out of curiosity, just how far were you able to follow them before?" 

"Enough to know that the limousines go to different houses each night." Kid smirked back. "But not enough to follow where they go." 

"What do you-" He was cut off as he realised that they had entered a parking garage. He looked out to realise that they were going underground, away from prying eyes. And the lower they went, the more exits out of the garage there were. "Oh."

Kid chuckled. "Relax. You're just a young stud out on a night on the town with a gorgeous woman on his arm." 

"That's what you say." Saguru muttered, a dark nervous feeling coiling in his gut. There was something about this situation that beginning to not feel right. But then he should have thought of that before he got into the limo with an internationally wanted thief. He'd never been very good at undercover work, preferring the straightforward and even blunt technique. If there was anything straightforward about detective work. 

The thief just laughed, the girl's voice as he ran a hand down Saguru's shirt, feeling the fabric. Saguru shivered at the feeling of smooth silk against his flesh, reminding himself that the Kaitou Kid was just playing a role. Playing the role a heck of a lot more convincingly than Saguru was.

Going to a new house every night meant that the girls weren't going to go see their boyfriends, unless they had a new boyfriend every night of the week. 

"Just how much are you going to tease me about this when this is over?" He questioned darkly, putting a hand on the Kid's leg, just below the knee. 

Kid waved an admonishing finger. "I'm not really here, am I? No note, no top hat, no monocle. Relax, Tantei-san. This is merely the most expedient way for us to both learn what we seek." 

Saguru almost relaxed. And then the limousine slowed down, coming to a stop. The door opened by itself and Saguru climbed out, offering a hand to his 'date' for the night. All signs of the thief was gone as the 'young woman' took his hand, accepting his help out of the car. Saguru tucked her arm in his as they walked down the dimly lit corridor, towards the noise of a party going on. 

The sign above the door inside read 'The Castle' in glowing neon. Saguru thought it was slightly tacky until he stepped inside. It was something out of a cheesy fairy tale, tiny spinning lights, gauzy fabrics draped from the ceiling and a loud base beat that vibrated his bones.

Kid gave him a flirtatious girlish smile. "Shall we dance?" He inquired, pulling Saguru by the arm out on to the dance floor. Saguru glanced out at the other couples that were dancing on the floor. It resembled vertical sex with their clothes on more than any sort of dancing that Saguru knew. 

"Kid." Saguru hissed. "I don't know how to dance like that." 

"It's easy." Kid assured him. "Just think of it as a variation of the Tango."

Saguru eyed one couple who looked like they had been glued together from the lips down. "That is -not- how you Tango." 

"Depends on who you ask." Kid quipped as he spun Saguru around and pulled him forward until their bodies were almost flush. "Now, put your hands on my hips." Kid instructed with a faint teasing air and Saguru did as he'd been bid. Kid put his hands on Saguru's hips, pulling them flush, much to Saguru's embarrassment.

Kid's voice was a sultry purr in his ear. "Right, now move as I do." Kid tugged on Saguru's hips as the thief's hips moved backwards, moving in a circular motion. Saguru swallowed as they repeated the motion. "Good." Kid smirked at him, hands sliding up Saguru's sides until the thief had his arms draped over Saguru's shoulders. "Now keep doing that." 

All things considered, Saguru much preferred the more structured 'One-Two-Three' of a waltz. 

Especially when he realised with the intimate press of his body against the Kid's, that the thief was missing an important anatomical part below the waist. 

His mind went blank for a little while, gibbering in phantom pain.

It took him a bit to scrape his brain-cells back together again. "Um..." He cleared his throat when he could finally speak. "You're... uh... missing...." 

Kid smiled back. "The others are heading off the dance floor. Shall we?" 

"I... uh..." He plastered a bland expression on his face as he allowed the Kid to escort him off the floor. A good number of the girls and their partners were trickling off down a corridor on the side. They followed, Saguru quietly relieved for the slight distance to try to get his brain functioning on some level other than in his pants. 

Kid escorted him to a room off to the side that had the number twelve written on it. Apparently each of these 'Princesses' were numbered instead of named. The inside of the room was not much better, resembling nothing much more than a high-class love hotel suite. He was vaguely grateful the bed was not heart-shaped. 

Kid shut the door behind them, leaning against it with a smirk. "It's tucked between my legs." Kid assured him, not even bothering to hide his amusement. "I'm still intact, every thing's still where it should be."

Saguru breathed a quick sigh. "Somehow, that's both a relief and too much information." He hadn't considered that option, visions of grisly dismemberment floating through his brain. Too many murder cases lately. 

"It does make speaking in a higher octave easier." Kid casually shrugged, apparently comfortable with the concept of having his family jewels squished. Saguru wince and reflectively move to protect his crotch. He was never crossdressing. Never never never. "You find everything out that you needed to?" 

"It's an escort service." Saguru sighed, finding a chair and sitting down in it. "The girls don't say anything because they're probably making a good amount of money off of it."

"Enough to replace their shoes every day anyway." Kid smirked. 

"Bet you Mummy and Daddy wouldn't approve if they found out what the girls were up to." Saguru ran a hand down his face. "Hence the subterfuge." 

"Hmm." Kid nodded, standing with one hip cocked. "Well, if you've got your answers, I'm going to go get mine."

"What? WAIT!" Saguru leaped out of the chair and ran towards the thief. Kid grinned and twisted the door open, stepping backwards, the door shutting behind him. Saguru hit the door and bounced. He grabbed the doorknob and tried to turn it. It wouldn't budge. "DAMMIT! Open the door!!!" 

"Shhhh!" Kid warned in a sing-song voice. "I'll be right back~!"

Saguru bit off a curse, stepping back from the door. He didn't know who the girls were supposedly working for, but chances were they would not be pleased to find a detective in their midst.

He settled for exploring the room, taking pictures of the room with his mobile as evidence. It didn't take him terribly long before he had exhausted his search and settled down in a chair, putting a small glass in his coat pocket for further proof. He fiddled with his mobile, disappointed to discover he didn't get reception service here. 

Fortunately, he did have solitaire on his phone. He got through three games when the door opened up again. Kid stuck his head through and wiggled his fingers at Saguru. Saguru glared back. Kid skipped inside room, shutting the door behind him. "Find what you were looking for?" Saguru drawled. 

Kid kicked off the high heeled dress shoes and plopped down into one of the other chairs with a disappointed air. "All those jewels and you'd think they'd get something over five carats." He bemoaned. 

Making tonight a loss for the Kaitou Kid, there was nothing worth holding his attention. "Quantity over quality?" Saguru snarked. 

"Precisely." Kid shook his head. "People these days. Now in the old days, people would go after the largest sparkly they could and stick it in a big fancy setting and call it good. But no, not the new money. Must -diversify- and all."

"Amazing." Saguru commented, closing down his game. "And people say that size doesn't matter these days." 

He got an assessing look in return. "Little sore at being left behind, are we?" Kid inquired dryly. Saguru ignored him. Kid chuckled. "On the positive side, the party ends at three and we all turn into happy little pumpkins." 

"Oh, goodie." Saguru pulled out his pocket watch and checked it. He could have looked at his mobile phone, but that defeated the purpose of having a good pocket watch. "And that leaves us... about two hours."

Kid pulled a deck of cards from somewhere, shuffling the cards from one hand to the other. "Know any good card games?" The thief smirked. 

Saguru smirked back. "A few." 

+++

"Good morning, Hakuba-kun!" Aoko chirped as he staggered into class that morning. He should have just skipped school today, it wasn't like it would hurt his grades too terribly much. "You look..." She stumbled for the correct word.

"Like death warmed over?" Kuroba offered, propping his chin up on one hand. He, of course, didn't look like he gone without sleep all last night. There were times when Saguru could gleefully strangle both Kuroba and Kid. 

"As if I have not slept at all last night?" Saguru filled in, setting his bag down on the desk. "Then you would be correct."

Aoko grimaced. "A case?" She inquired. 

"Yes. One whose primary focus was -not- the Kaitou Kid for a change." He sat down in his chair, not bothering with the pretence of energy as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He and the Kid had spent a pleasant enough time sniping back and forth at each other while playing various card games. Not poker, due to the fact that Kid had the unusual habit of winning every single hand. Same with black jack. As a consequence, they'd ended up playing mostly games that he could remember from his childhood. Old Maid, Crazy Eights, and his new personal favourite, Go Fish. 

Kid flinched every so slightly whenever he told the thief to 'Go Fish'. 

Then it had been back to the car, waking up the comatose 'Prince' in time to toss him in front of his door and back to the tunnels. Kid had done a bit of fancy shuffling to keep the other girls distracted while Saguru ran like mad ahead of them, back to the staircase. He'd lost precious time trying to find the lever to drop the spiral staircase back down, then finally found by twisting one of the lamps before beginning the dizzying ascent. He could hear voices below by the time he'd reached the top, the entire mechanism sliding back into place behind him.

From there, he'd dove back into the bed he'd been loaned for the night, pulling the covers up and snoring like Nakamori-keibu after a drunken After-Heist party. Which had been enough to fool the exhausted girls as they'd stumbled into their beds. He hadn't been able to sleep, finally moving from the bed after the morning alarms had gone off shortly after sunrise. The girls questioned him, their taunts ringing in his ears him after he said he'd seen nothing. 

And then he'd gone and talked to the old man, showing him the proof he had collected. The old man had taken the cup and thanked him. 

Then it had been time for school. He'd had a big cup of coffee on the way in and that had been about it as far as nutrition this morning. And now he could feel himself practically vibrating from the caffeine rush. As soon as that faded, he was going to be falling face first onto the desk, fast asleep.

How the girls managed to go to college during the day and partying all night without crashing hard was a mystery he hadn't been able to solve. 

"Anything exciting?" Aoko inquired. 

Saguru propped his head up on a hand. "I got to dance with a pretty lady again." He smirked slightly. 

Aoko bounced. "The same one from last time?" 

One of Kuroba's eyebrows twitched upwards. Saguru's smirk widened. 

"Possibly." 

Although now he wondered... did he owe the Kid for this latest adventure, or did the Kid owe him?

-fin-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
> Grimms' Brothers [ 12 Dancing Princesses](http://www.surlalunefairytales.com/twelvedancing/index.html) and the historical [notes](http://www.surlalunefairytales.com/twelvedancing/notes.html).  
> We tried to keep the evidence as close to the original as possible. (Tapping the bed to make it move, the Silver Branch, the Gold Branch, the Diamond Branch, and the goblet from the party.)
> 
> 'Crackernuts Dorms' was named after a female version of this story, '[Katie Crackernuts](http://www.surlalunefairytales.com/twelvedancing/stories/katiecrackernuts.html)', because it amused us.


	4. Sugar Trap

"Kyaa~ Umph!" A small girl impacted against Saguru's legs, almost making him stumble backwards. He automatically reached to keep her from falling into one a puddle courtesy of the freshly fallen rain, even as he adjusted his own balance to remain upright. 

"Are you okay?" He inquired as she backed up a step. She was breathing hard, all panicked round eyes. There was a moist sheen on her pale skin, something he thought had little to do with the rain and more with exertion. Saguru quickly amended the statement. "What is wrong?" 

"You..." She panted, doubling over slightly as she gasped for breath, putting her hands on her knees. "You're a Detective, right? You chase... the Kaitou Kid?"

"Yes." He nodded. "My name is Hakuba Saguru. And yours is?"

"Ayumi." She gasped, wiping the side of her face. "I've seen you on the television. Can you help me?" 

"Depends. What is going on?" He was not prepared for when she grabbed a handful of his inverness and pulled, taking off running back down the street from where she had came. 

"We've got to hurry!" She gasped, running for all her little feet were worth. "This way!"

"What happened?" He questioned as she pulled him along. 

"We... We're the Shonen Tantei. Genta-kun, Mitsuhiko-kun, Ai-chan, Conan-kun and I." She panted, tripping over her feet. "We had a case... finding Taro-kun's kitten. But we got... lost on the way back." 

"Just a moment." He stopped her, kneeling down and motioning to his back. "Climb on. It will be faster this way."

Ayumi nodded, wiping her face again before climbing up on his back, hands clinging to his shoulders. He placed the umbrella under her as a seat, holding on to each end before taking off running once more. It was more awkward than if he had had his arms free, but it was better than having the small girl keel over from exhaustion. 

"Thanks." She said, resting her head against his shoulder. "We got lost... and it started to rain... Genta-kun noticed a sweets shop... The old lady invited us into the back to dry off... and..." She her voice trembled as she sniffed. 

"It turned out she wasn't so nice." Saguru finished for her. 

"Yeah." She nodded, then pulled at his shoulder, pointing to a side street. "Turn here!" 

He obeyed. "I left marks behind." She said with a bit of bravado in her voice. He noticed the white marks on the concrete walls, about waist height for a child, where most adults wouldn't think of looking. Smart girl, leaving a trail of breadcrumbs behind. "Conan-kun made a distraction... so we could slip away and get help. But Mitsuhiko-kun got caught..." 

"You are a brave girl, Ayumi-chan." He said sincerely. Her grip tightened on his shoulders, then relaxed. "Can you tell me how many people were there?"

"Just us." She said, her voice wavering slightly. "And the old lady. Conan-kun said to get the police." 

"Conan-kun... By any chance would his name be Edogawa Conan?" Saguru questioned. He only knew one Conan... A young boy about Ayumi's age with a penchant for finding trouble. "Brown hair with a cowlick, large glasses?"

"Yes! That's him!" Ayumi almost bounced. "You know him?!" 

"We've met twice before, during gatherings of detectives." Saguru said lightly although he felt a sinking of dread. Edogawa had also run into the Kaitou Kid several times in the past, coinciding with the few deaths that occurred during the thief's appearances. Young Edogawa had started to gain quite a reputation for running across the nastiest cases. If he was involved, it probably was serious. "What else did he say?"

"Um... well... usually when we call the police, it's either Satou-keiji, Takagi-keiji or Megure-keibu." Ayumi offered helpfully. He recognized the names of the officers of Investigation Unit One, the people who handled the major crimes, the deadly and the violent. 

... That said an uncomfortable amount about the child's usual after school activities... 

"Got it." He nodded, turning again when she pointed to another chalk mark on the wall. "I have my mobile with me as well." Which meant that they had a plan of action. Step one, find store. Two, get address. Three, call in the big guns. 

"There it is." Ayumi pointed down the alley, her voice dropping down to a nervous whisper. "I got out the back door." 

"Then let us check the front first." Saguru said with more bravado than he felt. He walked around to the front, Ayumi's arms clinging around his neck as if she was afraid he was going to disappear. He took note of the intersections and the street number. "Loosen your hold around my neck for a moment, please." He requested, freeing one hand to fish out his phone when her grasp got to the choking point. She did so. "Thank you."

"I know the number." She whispered as they dropped back to stand under the awning of a nearby store, out of sight from the Candyland Sweet Shop. He passed her the mobile, grabbing the umbrella just in time to prevent her fall. She deftly punched the numbers in before holding the phone up to his ear. 

A polite female voice answered the call and he explained the situation, mentioning it as a possible kidnapping or hostage situation.

And then he said Edogawa's name. 

Evidently, Edogawa was a lot more infamous in the police departments than Saguru had previously imagined. The call had a sudden urgent priority that it had not had previously. He was told to wait where he was, the police would be there within a few minutes. He was in the process of agreeing when they heard the scream. 

It was not a child's scream, it was a woman's scream that was abruptly cut off. He glanced back at Ayumi, who looked ready to climb down off his back and wage war if that's what it took to keep her friends safe. He moved forward, Ayumi snapping the phone shut as she held on to him. He shifted sideways so she could grab the door, stepping back to open it before quickly stepping inside. The store, with it's bright white and cheerful pinks was suspiciously empty and quiet. 

"Hullo?" He called, looking around. Muffled noises came from the back, several voices clambering together. The voices sounded excited, but not terribly alarmed, so he moved towards the back. "Keep an eye out for trouble." He warned Ayumi in a low voice. She nodded, her face set in a serious line as her legs tightened around his waist. He nodded back and slipped as stealthily as he could towards through a door in the back and down a long grey hallway. The hallway opened up into a medium size room, that looked like it was used for storage for the building. 

A knot of children stared back at him with wide eyes, huddled against one wall. They were tied up, arms behind their back, gags tied around their mouths. Edogawa was obviously attempting to shield the other two boys with the help of a slight blond girl. He glanced around, spotting a pair of legs sticking out of what looked like a large incinerator. 

Ayumi squirmed, trying to get down and he quickly crouched down, releasing her. She ran towards her friends, tackling both Edogawa and the other girl with a tearful hug. Saguru took another cautious look around before joining them. 

"Is there anyone else?" He questioned as he set down his umbrella to untie Edogawa's hands. The glasses wearing boy shook his head, blue eyes hard as they looked over at the incinerator. Edogawa waved his hands slightly to restore circulation as Saguru got the last of the knots undone, then pulled off the gag. 

"It's just her." Edogawa said in a low, almost bitter voice. Saguru nodded and started working on freeing the large boy from the ropes. Edogawa helped, pulling the gag down. 

"I didn't mean to kill her!" The large boy wailed. "It was an accident! I didn't think I pushed her that hard!!!" 

"I don't think she's dead, Genta-kun." Edogawa assured the boy. If the large one was Genta, that left the boy that Ayumi was freeing as Mitsuhiko and the blond girl as Ai. All children present and accounted for. 

"Anyone injured?" Saguru inquired, looking around. 

-And that was when the police burst in, guns at the ready. 

+++  
+++

Saguru stalked into the classroom in a rare foul mood. He paused by Kuroba's chair, giving it a good hard satisfying kick before continuing on to his seat.

Kuroba looked up from his newspaper with a mildly confused tilt to his eyebrows. Aoko had a similarly confused expression on her face. The two of them exchanged looks as Saguru set his bag down on his desk with more force than usual. 

"Bad morning?" Aoko inquired. 

He grunted in return as he sat down. It wasn't he returned home that he realised why he'd been slightly twitchy throughout the entire event with the Shonen Tantei the previous day. It wasn't the fact that the detectives of Investigative Unit One treated the children with a sense of familiarity, or the fact that the children could give their witness reports like old police pros. Or the fact that no one seemed to find it unusual that these children would be mixed up in kidnapping or possible murder. 

Especially when he discovered that the reason they had been targeted at all was because they had contributed to the arrest of one of the old woman's relations. Either close friend or family, he hadn't made out. 

No, what annoyed him was the fact that here he had been, on what could be considered a bizarre case, and there had been no sign of the Kaitou Kid. Lately it had seemed like he was Alice falling through the Looking Glass, only to discover that this time his Cheshire Cat was missing. 

That and his pocket-watch had gone missing sometime between his leaving the Candy Shop and arriving home. He had torn the place apart and still could not find it. He felt as if he were off-balance without it. 

"Hey, Hakuba." Kuroba smirked, straightening the pages of his morning newspaper and Saguru recognised the picture of the Shonen Tantei at the top of the page. "I thought you were supposed to be the Knight charging in on the White Horse, not be the White Horse." 

Saguru debated making a comment that was rude, crude and generally socially unacceptable in return. He settled for ignoring the annoying magician. 

"Oh." Kuroba casually drawled, completely changing tracks and annoying Saguru all over again. Kuroba dug in his trouser pocket for a minute, then held up a shiny gold object. "I found this earlier. Is this yours?"

"I..." Saguru stared for a moment, then reached forward. Kuroba put the smooth metal of the gold pocket-watch into Saguru's palm. "Yes. Yes, it is." He said in amazement, opening the watch. Still working, on time, no damage done. "Thank you." 

Kuroba nonchalantly shrugged, returning to his newspaper as Aoko giving them a fond, but puzzled smile. 

Saguru closed his hand around the pocket-watch, soothed by it's familiar presence and sound. How had Kuroba found his watch? Saguru lived in the opposite direction of the school away from from both Kuroba and Aoko, he couldn't have found it on the way to school. And he hadn't seen Kuroba at the sweet shop. 

Unless... Kuroba, as the Kid had been there? In disguise? 

But he couldn't have. Wouldn't have.

... Would he?

-fin-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off of the fairy tale [Hansel and Gretel](http://www.surlalunefairytales.com/hanselgretel/index.html). 
> 
> -the name of the shop, yes, is named after [candy__chan>. Thanks, Candy! ^__^ **Icka!:**... I don't think Saguru's gay for the Kid in this AU. **Icka!:** and that sentence hurts my head. **Allie:** Inconceivable! **Allie:** XD; We'll they have the beginnings of a REALLY interesting friendship anyways. **Icka!:** Yup!](https://candy--chan.livejournal.com/)


	5. Sleeping Beauties

"-and so Shiroyuki-chan was kept alive by the seven minors until the paramedics arrived, in which case she woke up when Purinsu-san gave her the kiss of life."

"CPR." Saguru deadpanned, absentmindedly extrapolating on 'Sleeping Kogoro's' brilliant deduction for the recent kidnapping / attempted murder case. "Cardiopulmonary resuscitation. He discovered a blockage in her throat that turned out to be from one of the apples given to her by Aku-san in disguise." 

It was rather disconcerting. Ever since the famous Sleeping Kogoro had fallen asleep, he could hear this strange double echo of words, a higher pitched voice just a hair's breadth faster than Mouri's deeper rumble. The really bizarre part was that no one appeared to notice that Edogawa Conan was leaning against Mouri's slumbering form, either talking into his hands or into some sort of device. 

This was exceedingly strange to Saguru because previous to this, Mouri had barely seemed to be able to tolerate his charge's presence. He had introduced Edogawa as a sponge, hit him on the top of the head at least once in their presence and either belittled or ignored whatever the boy said. Yet it had been Edogawa who had done the majority of the grunt work poking into corners and discovering small hints throughout the investigation while Mouri laughed and made strange completely off the mark accusations. 

"Exactly." That strange high-and-low echo agreed with him. "Shiroyuki-chan's step-mother Aku-san wanted her out of the way so that Shiroyuki-chan could not contest her recently departed husband's will."

"Which is why Shiroyuki-chan ran away in the first place." Mouri's wife but-not-quite-Saguru-did-not-know-WHAT-the-heck-was-going-on-there Kisaki Erii crossed her arms. "To prevent her step-mother from killing her."

"So she hid herself here, doing housework in exchange for lodging." Megure-keibu said, glancing around the small hovel Shiroyuki-chan and her adopted family called home.

Even if Saguru was still not entirely sure what the current relationship Kisaki-san had to Mouri, he did have to respect her skills. She was an extremely sharp intelligent woman and out of all of the people here, including Megure-keibu, Saguru would have expected her to notice that something strange was going on with her husband-or-whatever-he-was and her husband-or-whatever's houseguest. 

... Or not, as she appeared to not see Edogawa either. 

What was -wrong- with these people!?

"And apparently was happy here until Aku-san made her move." Mouri-and-his-amazing-echo concluded. "It was doubtful that any of this would have come to light if Aku-san had not done anything."

"Do you have anything to say, Aku-san?" Megure-keibu asked. Saguru bit his tongue. He had plenty to say, but this was not the proper time nor place to say anything, no matter how much he would have liked to do so.

"I would have gotten away with it too!" Aku-san snapped, looking like she was attempting for a great deal of dignity and instead ending up looking like a cartoon villain. "If it hadn't been for you pesky meddling kids!" 

Saguru hid a wince. He was seventeen, thank you. How much longer were people going to call him 'boy'? Still, it was better than 'Commissioner's Son' and the implication that he didn't have an active brain cell alive in his head. 

Officers Takagi and Chiba escorted the prideful Aku-san away to the squad car, talking softly as they reminded her of her rights. People talked quietly among themselves, apparently at ease to ignore the sleeping detective. Even Edogawa moved away, talking cheerfully in that high-pitch voice he seemed to use only when he either wanted something or was trying to pretend he hadn't just been an incredibly intelligent child moments before. 

Except... Mouri wasn't moving. 

Saguru wandered closer, watching the man carefully. His pallor was a little off, a slight sheen of sweat on his forehead. "Mouri-san?" Saguru asked, walking over and crouching down to the side of the man. Mouri continued sleeping. 

Saguru frowned, waving a hand in front of Mouri's face. No response. He reached forward, picking up Mouri's wrist and taking his pulse. It was steady, but slow. Slower than the average person should have while taking a brief kip. 

A spot of redness on Mouri's neck caught attention and he shifted to get a closer look. It almost looked like a bug bite, but not quite. There were quite a few faded marks on the back of the sleeping detective's neck that looked like they had all been made by the same thing. 

"Is something wrong, Hakuba-kun?" Megure-keibu's voice was a mixture of defensive and concerned. 

"Mouri-san is not waking up." Saguru reported, glancing up. The others had begun to gather around him, looking at them with various degrees of concern in their expressions. 

"Oh, he's always been a heavy sleeper." Kisaki-san said, kneeling down in front of her... Okay, he wasn't even going to bother asking anymore. "Wakey-wakey, Dear."

Mouri snored. 

"I do not think that is going to work." Saguru said sceptically. The man was drugged. "I think a he may require a trip to hospital." 

Edogawa winced, his own skin turning pale as he watched them with alarmed wide blue eyes. 

"Nonsense." Megure-keibu waved it off. "He's just catching a nap after a long investigation."

... Where they all _DAFT_?! Was this stupidity contagious?! He was never coming to Beika ever again if it was. In fact he was wiping it off of all future travel plans even as they spoke. 

"Darling." Kisaki-san scolded with clear amusement. "I bet I still know how to wake you up." And with that, the blond woman, nicknamed the 'Ice Queen' in the lawyer circles, leaned forward and kissed her... not-husband. Guy. Man. Whatever. 

Saguru averted his eyes, catching a guilty look from Edogawa. The glasses-wearing boy quickly glanced away as well, suddenly finding the white tips of his red trainers absolutely fascinating. That was... interesting, in a mind boggling sort of way.

Mouri shifted, a blissful stupid look on his face as Kisaki-san pulled away. "Yo~ko~chan~!" He warbled, not even opening his eyes. 

:: SMACK! :: 

Sleeping not-Beauty went flying into a nearby wall, a large red handprint across one cheek. He slid down until he hit the carpet, then jumped up to his feet, looking around in confusion as he cradled his cheek in one hand. "Who? What? Where?! What happened?" 

"Nothing." Kisaki-san said shortly, slipping her purse over her shoulder and stalking out the door.

Mouri watched her go with panicked eyes, reaching out with one hand at the back of his departing... Wife. Woman. Better Half. Yes, that worked nicely. Better Half. 

"But..." Saguru watched Mouri rapidly stagger away, a clearly relieved Edogawa quickly following after. "He has been drugged... repeatedly...." That many toxins building up in his system could NOT be good. Mouri should be going to hospital, not traipsing after his significant other! And what of Edogawa's part in this entire farce?

He felt a large heavy hand fall onto his shoulder and looked up to find Megure-keibu looking down at him with a slightly pitying but serious expression. 

"We don't talk about Mouri-kun's sleeping problems." Megure-keibu informed him kindly. 

Saguru just stared in utter bafflement. 

+++

The next day when he went into class, he stopped at Kuroba's desk. The magician was as his wont every morning, reading the newspaper. Not always the same newspaper, often different newspapers from all over the country, but always a newspaper. It sometimes made Saguru wonder what Kuroba was hoping to find among the articles. 

After a long moment, Kuroba looked up inquiringly at him. "Word of advice." Saguru informed him. The magician could take it or leave it as he so chose. "Stay far away from Beika. They are a bunch of complete nutters down there."

And with those words of wisdom, he walked over to his desk and sat down, pulling out his books and preparing for the school day. Kuroba stared at the space Saguru had previous occupied for several heartbeats, obviously pondering Saguru's advice. Saguru wondered if the magician would take it. The last thing he wanted was the Kaitou Kid to make a trip to Beika and drop dead.

Or worse, catch their insanity. 

Finally Kuroba turned around, casually leaning back in his chair with a slightly confused expression. "It took you this long to figure that out?" 

-fin-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiro = White  
> Yuki = Snow  
> Purinsu = Prince  
> Aku = Evil


	6. Escaping from Towers

"Psst." Saguru made the quiet hissing noise in the hopes of drawing the attention of the white clad figure down below. It had been four days since he had seen another person and the relief at seeing someone, even the Kaitou Kid, had been immense. "PSST!"

The thief either didn't hear him or was ignoring him as he slunk across the rooftops. Saguru growled. Dammit. "HEY!!" He shouted, his voice echoing in the nearly-abandoned warehouse area. 

This time, it got the attention the Kid's attention. Like a startled cat, the Kaitou Kid froze, head tilting this way and that as he tried to identify where the noise had come from. 

"Up here!" Saguru called, sticking his hand through the grill over his room's only window and waving it. He heard the Kid shift closer, just the rattling of loose gravel and retracted his hand so he could peer through the small window again. 

Kid was standing on the closest rooftop, several metres away. Much too far to jump and make it safely. "Hakuba-kun?" The Kid's voice was almost startled. 

"It's me." Saguru breathed a sigh of relief. Finally! A person! A real life breathing person! And someone he knew! 

Sort of. 

"You've been missing for days." Kid commented, his hands in his pockets as he stared up at Saguru's tower and Saguru could have sworn that the Kid sounded concerned. "You okay?"

"I have food, toilet amenities, and a decent place to sleep." Saguru listed off. "I have as of yet been unable to find a way to escape from this place and I am afraid I am becoming unhinged from the lack of mental stimulation." In fact, it would not surprise him in the least if this turned out to be some sort of hallucination, brought on by a lack of social interaction. 

"Sounds like you want a rescue." Kid drawled and this time Saguru -knew- the thief was amused. 

Hubris be damned, he nodded, hoping his voice did not sound too pathetic. "Please." He wanted to go home. He wanted out of this tower with it's twenty metre drop and the isolation and the funny rotting vegetable smells. He wanted to be in his own bed, in his own clothes and a cup of tea. He wanted his life back, some normalcy, including possibly even harassing Kuroba and getting mocked in return. Just so long as it was away from here. 

"Hmmm...." Kid eyed the tower he was in. "There's not much to attach a rope to or anything. Can you get the bars off the window?"

"Not with out tools of some kind." Saguru grabbed the bars and shook it. It squeaked a little, but didn't budge. "And I'm afraid they were quite thorough in their efforts to confiscate anything that might aid me in an escape." Embarrassingly thorough, not that he would inform the Kid of that. 

Kid looked at the sky with a thoughtful air. In the background, Saguru could hear helicopters buzzing around. There was a Kaitou Kid heist tonight, that was why Kid was here. "I could drop a word in Nakamori-keibu's ear-"

"NO." Saguru shook his head vehemently, although he doubted the Kid could see it. "No police. No one else." 

"Hoooo-?" Kid made an interested noise. Saguru ground his teeth together and said nothing. He could see Kid's leer from where he was. The thief coughed into a hand, changing the subject. "Are you safe for the moment?" 

"As far as I can tell." Saguru admitted. Food came once a day via a very, very small dumbwaiter and it had already been delivered. A small child would have been hard pressed to fit into the hole the dumbwaiter used. There were no doors on the floor he was on and he still was uncertain as to how they got him into the room at the top of the tower in the first place. 

"Great." Kid gave him a snappy salute. "I'll see you once I finish playing with Nakamori-keibu." 

"What?" Saguru hit his head on the bars as he lunged forward to stop the thief's departure. "No! Wait!" But the Kid was already disappearing across the rooftops, a pale silent spectre. "Dammit." He cursed, watching his hope of escape disappear off into the moonlight. 

He sighed, sitting down on top of the wardrobe he'd laboriously pushed over to under the window so he could see out. There were days when he could cheerfully strangle the Kaitou Kid. And if his suspicions ever proved correct about the Kid's civilian identity, Kuroba Kaito as well. 

Outside, he could hear sirens wail, helicopters buzz by, officers shouting and the occasional swear that could have only come from Nakamori-keibu. It was not fair. He wanted to chase the Kaitou Kid too. Instead, he was stuck, in a tall tower like some effing damsel in distress. This sucked. 

More sirens went by then faded away into the distance, chasing either the Kaitou Kid or one of the puppets the Kaitou Kid sent out for them to chase instead, like pretending to throw a dog a ball, only to really hold it behind your back while the dog went to go chase it. Yet it always worked, Nakamori chasing after the illusive Kid and his inflatable puppets with gleeful abandon. 

He looked around the dimly lit room again, wrinkling his nose at the decor for the n-th time since he'd found himself stuck here. If he developed a sudden aversion to the colour pink after this, it certainly was not groundless. Everything in this.... _boudoir_ was either pink or rose-tinted cream. And feminine. Very very feminine. What ever psychologist had said that pink was a soothing colour couldn't be any farther off the block without falling off. 

Something impacted on the metal wall next to the window and he stood up again, peering through the bars. The Kaitou Kid was back, standing on the edge of a neighbouring rooftop again. "Yo." Kid called. 

"Yo, yourself." He called back, privately, almost giddily relieved. He hadn't been forgotten! 

"You're stuck in a high tower, surrounded by high walls and I see neither door nor staircase." Kid reported. "Any suggestions?"

"Yes." Saguru called back. "Do you have a cord long and strong enough to get me down? And possibly a hex-key?" Why couldn't they have used flat-head or philips-head screws to hold the frame in? 

"Can do." Kid gave him a slight mock-salute. "It's just getting them to you. There's nowhere to attach a rope to swing over, and the curve of the roof is too steep to land on."

"Just a moment." Saguru called, slipping his hand through the bars a moment to wave at the Kid before quickly climbing off the wardrobe. He gathered up the material that he'd spent hours tearing into strips and tying together. He climbed back up, sliding the bottom end of the makeshift rope through the bars of the window. "I've got something!"

"In that case..." He saw Kid leap off the rooftop and disappear into the shadows below. He craned his neck but was unable to see where the moon-lit thief had gone. "Saguru, Saguru, let down your long... thingie." Kid called. 

"He thinks he's so funny." Saguru muttered, feeding the long knotted length of fabric out the window. "But he's -not-." It took a little while before he reached the literal end of his rope. "That's as far as it goes!" He called, hoping it was long enough. "Can you reach?"

"Yeah." He felt a tug on the rope. "Hey... is this a bra?" Kid's confused voice called up from below him. "And gauze?" 

"It was all I could find." Saguru growled. He'd used all the fabric he could locate in the room to make the rope. The fabric was certainly too flimsy to hold his weight, but hopefully it could suffice as a rope for carrying something lighter than him. 

"Okay." Kid called back, in a sort of 'it's your funeral' voice. "I'm putting the hex-key in the bra and tying the rope on. Is that okay?"

"I hope so." He muttered. "Ready?"

"Go for it." Kid assured him. Saguru nodded to himself then pulled the rope back up, hoping the knots would hold. They did and soon he had the hex-key within reach. He breathed a huge sigh of relief as his hand wrapped around the metal instrument, flipping through various keys until he got one the right size. There was a small electric torch as well, that he quickly turned on, aiming at the bars of the window and finding the screws.

"Got it! I'm unscrewing it now!" He called, quickly setting to unfastening the grill, holding the flashlight in his teeth. With the proper tools, the metal frame quickly came away, Saguru grabbing it and turning it sideways so he could pull it inside. "Yes!"

"Can you slip out of a window that size?" Kid called as Saguru leaned his head out. It was a tight fit about the shoulders, but not too bad. "Never mind." Kid's voice was dryly amused. "The rope is 50 metres with a tensile strength of a half-tonne or so, you should have enough slack to anchor it somewhere in there if you can."

"Got it!" Saguru called back, grabbing the black rope. This was going to be nasty on his hands, but he could deal with that. He jumped down off the wardrobe again, feeding the rope around the huge wardrobe and tying it off there. He grabbed some of the gauzy rope and tore it off, wrapping it around his hands for protection before climbing back up. "I'm coming down." He shouted, tucking the torch and the hex-keys into his sleeves for safe keeping. "I would avert my eyes if I were you."

"Why?" Kid asked as Saguru levered himself out of the window feet first, keeping a death grip on the rope. Kid let out a slightly horrified shriek as Saguru slowly made his way down the side of the tall metal tower. "Oh my Gods! My eyes! I'm BLIND~!"

"Idiot." Saguru growled. "That is why I said to avert your eyes." This would be a hell of a lot easier if he had his own clothing. Hell, shoes for that matter. 

Kid made some sort of grumbled comment that Saguru ignored as he finished his descent. "I told you." Saguru said with as much dignity as he could muster, which happened to be a great deal at the moment. Because it was either act like a total snob or run around in circles like a raving lunatic shout at the top of his lungs that he was free, finally free, thank god. "-That they had been quite thorough in their efforts to confiscate anything that might aid me in an escape."

"Including your CLOTHES?!" Kid protested, one hand covering his eyes in an extremely juvenile and comedic fashion. 

"Yes." Saguru grumbled, straightening the sleeves of the short, lacy and nearly translucent robe he was wearing. "This was not only the only thing that -fit-, but the most opaque thing I could find to wear." And even then, it was only slightly more non-transparent than the gauze he'd used for a rope. 

"Here." Kid made a swishing flourishing motion with one hand, Saguru's inverness coat appearing in a small puff of smoke. "I found this in a dumpster when I examined the grounds. It was the only article of clothing of yours I could find."

"Thank you." Saguru said sincerely, taking his coat and wrapping it around himself before handing the hex-key and torch back. His coat smelled like stale spinach or lettuce but at the moment he didn't care. It was warm, concealing and familiar. "How was the heist?"

"The usual." Kid shrugged, turning his back to him as Saguru did up the buttons. "Lots of screaming, lots of shouting, some minor property damage done. I'm really starting to worry about Nakamori-keibu's high blood pressure." 

-The sad thing, Saguru mused, was that he actually believed the thief when he said stuff like that about the Inspector. "Thank you for coming back to retrieve me." 

The Kaitou Kid waved it off. "Eh, whatever. People were starting to get nervous about your disappearance. What were you doing up there anyway?"

"I believe," Saguru frowned, tucking his hands in his pockets and was privately disappointed to find that his pocket watch was missing. "It is because I am supposed to testify at a criminal court case tomorrow. If I am not there, but reappear later, sans-clothing and with a bizarre story of capture, then it is I who look foolish. Doubly so if the miscreant gets away with it."

Kid nodded, sticking his hands in his pockets, his back still to Saguru. "Then you wouldn't mind if the police found you now."

"No. In fact it should be my first stop now that am free." Although he would have liked some shoes. Shoes were good. Kept your feet warm.

"Oh, good." Kid's voice was amused. Saguru noticed a soft rotating noise, like a small plane engine approach. He looked up to see a white blimp with a dummy of the Kaitou kid hanging from it fly over head, then start to do circles around them. "Cause here they come." 

"What?" He noticed the flashing red and blue lights outside the tall walls, then Nakamori-keibu's voice shouting. 

"See ya!" Kid waved at him, then disappeared in a cloud of pink smoke. Saguru coughed, waving the acidic smelling smoke away from his face. The officers broke down a gate, footsteps rushing towards him. Someone shouted his name, which was then taken up by others in a surprised mantra. 

"Thank you." Saguru said quietly to the air, before greeting the police. 

+++

He was unable to go to school the next day, primarily because of the trial. The police had wanted him to stay quiet, under their protection, just in case a second kidnapping attempt was made before he testified. But he made it to court on time, in a borrowed suit and did his duty, much to the defendant's dismay. 

The day after that, he did finally make it to school, feeling grateful for wearing just simple clothing again. The tower he'd been kept in turned out to be a vegetable silo, the top room presumably been hiding place for trafficking people in and out of the country. Specifically people of the feminine variety. Saguru was just slightly annoyed at that part. 

He was greeted by a good portion of the class and several girls from other classes when he returned to the classroom, people having heard of his disappearance and wanting to hear the story. He kept it as brief as he could, knowing how tedious a story could get after the third or fourth retelling. 

Kuroba was in his usual seat, reading a newspaper as he finally made it to his seat. Saguru debated thanking Kuroba, or making some sort of gesture of gratitude, but ultimately decided against it, setting his bag on his desk. Aoko greeted him enthusiastically, having missed his presence at school and Kuroba grunted by way of good morning. Saguru almost felt giddy at the normalcy of it. 

Until Kuroba spoke up. "By the way." He pulled something out of a shirt pocket and idly offered it to Saguru, not looking back in Saguru's direction. "Found this on the way to school this morning. You really should keep better track of it." 

Saguru reached over and took his pocket watch from Kuroba's hand, turning the golden object over in his hands. He'd almost given it up for lost, like the rest of his possessions he'd been carrying at the time. "... Thank you." Saguru whispered gratefully.

Kuroba shrugged and turned a page in the newspaper like it wasn't a big deal. Perhaps it wasn't, to Kuroba. But it was to Saguru.

He definitely owed the Kaitou Kid after this one. 

+fin+


	7. In the Mouth of the Wolf

"Wait a minute." Saguru commented to himself as he walked down the street in one of the lesser reputable sections of Tokyo. He had just finished a case and by God was he happy to be heading home. A small girl wearing a red hoodie and a backpack was walking down the other side of the street, smiling happily to herself. "Isn't that Ayumi-chan?"

Then a pair of hands reached out from a shadowed alley and grabbed the young girl, who screamed and kicked. "-It's Ayumi-chan." Saguru spared the breath to mutter as he darted across the street, running into the ill-lit alley.

A large man was holding Ayumi under one arm, waving what looked to be an axe with the other. "STOP!" Saguru shouted, drawing the man's attention. Ayumi screamed, kicking the man in... his most vulnerable spot, either by chance or purpose, Saguru couldn't tell. The man doubled, over, bringing the axe dangerously near Ayumi's head.

Saguru grabbed the axe, attempting to pull it away from him as Ayumi squirmed and managed to drop down to the ground. "Run!" Saguru instructed as the man growled, using his free hand to try to push the axe blade in Saguru's direction. Saguru pushed back, gritting his teeth as the blade shook in his direction. Whomever this person was, he was strong.

"Saguru-niichan!" Ayumi shouted in alarm from somewhere behind him. Saguru shifted his back foot, adjusting his weight slightly to the side as he suddenly -pulled- instead of pushed, executing a very bad flip over his shoulder. The man did not let go of the axe and Saguru made a split second decision... Apprehending the man or getting Ayumi out of there.

He turned, grabbed Ayumi around the waist and ran out of the alley, tucking her under one arm like a sack of potatoes, her arms and legs dangling as he ran. "Are you alright?" He asked, darting across the street, stumbling slightly as he adjusted to carrying her weight

Ayumi nodded, grabbing hold of his coat's belt for balance. "Thanks." She gasped, her voice wavering slightly from fright.

"We have -got- to stop meeting like this." He said with dry humour, even as he panted slightly. While he had become accustomed to running while chasing after the Kaitou Kid, running while carrying a child's weight was a lot more taxing. "Mobile's in my coat pocket closest to you, can you reach it?"

She nodded again as he glanced backwards. The man was coming out of the alley, holding his ribs and grimacing. "I know the number." She said firmly, grabbing his pocket with one hand and reaching in with the other. She grabbed the phone and resolutely began punching numbers as Saguru focused on dodging people. "Hello, Keibu-san?" Her young, nervous voice strangely loud to Saguru's ears. "I'd like to report an attempted kidnapping."

This elicited several odd looks as Saguru raced by. Koban... Koban... There had to be a police box around here somewhere... Screams echoed behind them. "Saguru-niichan?" Ayumi questioned. "Do we have a description?"

"Male, 183-186 centimetres. Heavy-set, thin features, dark hair, hairy arms." Saguru reported. The man had been taller than Saguru was, which should narrow the field right there. At almost six-feet, Saguru was still strangely tall in Japan. Ayumi echoed his words back as Saguru finally located a Koban. The police officer looked at them in surprise as they ran up. "What number is this Koban?" Saguru demanded.

The officer stuttered as he informed them and Ayumi parroted it to the phone. Saguru looked behind him, their pursuer having left off the chase. Thank God. He leaned against the doorway, panting for breath. "They said to stay here, Saguru-niichan." Ayumi piped up, looking up at him from under his arm.

"Not a problem." He agreed. "Are you sure you are okay, Ayumi-chan?" She nodded, her good spirits apparently restored as soon as the danger had passed. God, what kind of trouble did these children get used to on a regular basis?

Sato-keiji and Takagi-keiji showed up and drove them to the station for interviews and a sit-in with the character sketch artist to draw up a profile of what the man looked like while more police searched the area. Saguru discovered much to his horror that the remains of a little girl that had been found torn apart and eaten in that area the previous day. He'd just saved Ayumi from a similar fate.

Ayumi had been running an errand for her mother, delivering treats and stuff to her Grandmother's house on the other side of the town. And seeing as no one else had been available at the time, they had sent her to go alone. The little girl had gotten lost and had been given instructions by 'Oogami-san' on which way to go. Following those directions had only gotten Ayumi more lost, until the point where Saguru had spotted her and Oogami-san had grabbed her. 

Saguru began to wonder not only about her after-school activities, but her parents as well. Sending a small girl across town by herself-? With the type of trouble she got into?! What the hell had they been thinking? 

And then Edogawa-kun, Genta-kun, Mitsuhiko-kun, Haibara-kun, and the latter's guardian, Agasa-hakase showed up to pick up Ayumi. No one in the station appeared to find the lack of parental contact at all unusual, and many of the Shonen Tantei greeted various officers by name. Saguru felt a headache coming on. He feared he was beginning to become allergic to Beika-cho.

Edogawa greeted him quietly as Genta-kun and Mitsuhiko-kun gathered around Ayumi enthusiastically, Haibara-kun lingering protectively around the edges. Saguru greeted him back, gathering his stuff to leave. "In bocca al lupo." The sharp-eyed boy commented as Saguru rose.

Saguru looked at him in confusion for a moment, trying to place if he'd heard that before or not. 'Bocca'... that was Italian. Mouth? 'Lupo' would be 'Wolf'. 'In bocca al lupo'... _'In the Mouth of the Wolf'_ -?

He glanced over at Ayumi and her little red hood, making the connection. From the Italian version of 'Little Red Riding Hood', a way of wishing one good luck. Just saying 'Thank You' or _'Grazie',_ wasn't correct, it wouldn't give you the good luck... The response finally came back to him. "Crepi il lupo." He said gravely in return. _'I wish it would die'_. 

Edogawa nodded at him, stepping aside to let him pass, a pleased expression on his face. 

+++

Saguru didn't sleep well that night, his dreams re-enacting the final scene from the story of Little Red Riding Hood, the Kaitou Kid smirking at him saying, _"Why Detective, what big eyes you have."_

"The better to spot you with."

_"Why Detective, what big hands you have."_

"The better to catch you with."

_"Why Detective, what big-"_

-Fortunately, or unfortunately as the case may be, that was when Saguru woke up. 

He went to school, feeling a bit off centre and hoping that the next few days were quiet. Aoko and Kuroba were at their chairs when he made it in, Kuroba reading his newspaper. A local one, for a change. Kuroba smirked at him, rustling the newspaper pages. "Why, Detective-"

"I Do **NOT** Want To Eat You." Saguru snapped out of over-stretched reflexes. He regretted it a second later as a silenced hush fell over the classroom.

Kuroba and Aoko stared at him. 

Saguru shifted nervously as they blinked in unison. It was kind of creepy when they did that. 

"Ohh... kay." Kuroba finally drawled, returning his attention back to his paper. "Good to know. I think." 

Saguru sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, his headache coming back. "My apologies." 

"Long few days?" Aoko said sympathetically as Kuroba folded the newspaper to show Saguru and Ayumi's pictures in the newspaper in conjunction with the 'Big Bad Wolf' mystery. Ah. So that was how they had known.

"Of sorts." He gave this conversation up as a lost cause and went to go sit down at his desk. 

"If it's any consolation-" Kuroba commented, unfolding the newspaper and rustling it as he turned his attention back to it with a sly amused smirk. "-I don't want to eat you either."

Saguru wasn't sure if it was a consolation or not, but he appreciated the gesture. "Thank you." 

-fin-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off the story [Little Red Riding Hood](http://www.surlalunefairytales.com/ridinghood/index.html). Saguru's technically cast in the role of the Woodsmans who saved Red and Grandma, but the wolf somehow ended up with the axe. ^^;;   
> Notes on ['In bocca al Lupo'](http://forum.wordreference.com/showthread.php?t=1881). We ran across the saying last night and it stuck in our head, sparking this plunnie.


	8. Storytime

"-So we get this call, right? It's a woman whose is absolutely hysterical because her daughter's gone missing. And we're all worried cause the child cases are the worst ones, right up until we get the details of the case. Her daughter was, and I quote, 'no bigger than her thumb' and had been kidnapped with her walnut shell bed by a -frog- of all things." 

Saguru paused as he walked past the police station's break room, his ears catching the story. Interesting. "No bigger than a thumb?" A second officer said incredulously. "Seriously?"

"Turns out she was high on drugs at the time." The first officer shrugged. "We brought her in. No sign of her ever having a kid. She did have an amazing collection of miniatures however." 

"Huh." 

"Did you hear about the one foreign woman whose boyfriend broke up with her to get married this other girl, so she tried to stab him?" A third officer inquired. 

Saguru drifted in, wandering towards the coffee pot, skirting the loose knot of officers trading stories. He wasn't listening in, he was just getting a cuppa....

"Nope."

"Yeah. It was on the docks. Crazy chick attacked him with a knife, couldn't quite follow through, dropped the knife and jumped off the end of the docks. Still haven't found her body. Witnesses say it looked like she turned into sea-foam. We found the knife though, it's the weirdest damn thing you ever saw, looks like it was cast out of fish bones and seashells." 

A small shudder went through a few officers. "I saw that knife." A listening officer spoke up, one Saguru recognised as working in the evidence locker. "And if I never see it again, it's too damn soon. Thing was cursed." 

People nodded in agreement and made signs against evil. 

Saguru doubted it was actually cursed, but it would be interesting to get Kuroba's reaction to such a knife. The magician would probably end up climbing the walls to get away from it. Literally. He had to hide a smirk at that mental picture. 

"Did you hear about the assault one?" The second officer mused as Saguru got himself a cup and slowly poured himself a steaming cup of the battery acid that passed for coffee around here. 

Not that he needed the caffeine, but he knew from experience better than to drink the tea. It tasted like the gunk off of an officer's shoe. And considering where some of the crime scenes took place, that was -not- good.

The first officer stirred his coffee in his mug, making a sloshing noise. "The weird one from a couple of weeks ago?" 

"Yeah." 

"What happened?" Another lingering officer asked. 

"This rich brat drops her golden thingamagiger down a deep hole. Mp3 player, cell phone, keychain, I can't remember. She gets this ugly looking guy to go down and fetch it for her, in exchange for promising to be his friend and give him meal and a place to crash that night. He goes and gets it, gives it to her and she leaves him cold." 

A few chuckles went around the room, obviously no one present had actually expected her to keep her word. 

"Now here's the funny part. He shows up at her door that night and rings the bell, meets her Dad. And Daddy-dearest makes her keep her promise. And since she'd so 'conveniently' forgotten about her end of the bargain, she had to share her dinner with him." 

Saguru raised an eyebrow as he added some of the fake creamer that was available into his coffee. Bravo for Daddy. 

"-After which, the little princess has to share her room with the guy. He was going to sleep on the floor, but evidently she didn't like this when Daddy told her, so she smacked the guy into the wall, crushing in his face. They just took the bandages off the other day, smashing the guys face did some good, he's suddenly a looker. They're now dating."

Chortles and scoffs of amusement and disbelief circled around the room. "Cases do seem to be becoming increasing strange as of late." Saguru mused outloud, stirring his coffee. The wooden stirrer dissolved into the hot liquid. Perfect. He took a sip and promptly scorched his taste-buds. Had to love station house coffee. Nothing else like it. He could probably eat a large piece of wasabi now and not even feel it.

"So you've been having odd cases too, Hakuba-kun?" One of the officers who sometimes was teamed up with the Kaitou Kid Task Force inquired. 

Let's see... the serial axe murderer, the twelve dancing escort service girls, the old woman roasted in the incinerator by little kids, being kidnapped and stuck in a tower, Beika in general. Nope. Nothing bizarre or strange in his life recently. He nodded. "Yes." 

More chortles. Saguru wasn't officially part of the police department, but he was both inside and outside the camaraderie of police society, just enough both ways to be a good barometer for if things really were going weird. Inside enough to listen to the stories, but outside enough that any stories he might have told would appear to be boastful.

"Oh! Did you hear the one about the guy who's collecting infants?" Another officer spoke up. A mixed reaction from the group, so the story was continued. "He does some favours for the mothers, cash in a tight spot and so on, in exchange for their future first kid. Bad deal if they never get pregnant, but there's enough that do have kids and he comes to collect the babies. Now here's the weird part. The Moms have a chance to get out of it, if they can guess his name within three days. If not, he gets the kid."

"What happens to the kids?"

A shrug. "No one knows. Eats them or something. The name is something weird too... Tom-Tit-Tot or 'Rumpleforeskin'. Something strange like that. But it's a legal contract and everything. they sign it before he helps them."

Saguru winced. Oh yes, the cases did seem to be getting stranger lately. 

"Hey, what about that ugly guy who turned into an idol? You hear about that one?"

+++

Saguru walked into class and found that for once, Kuroba wasn't reading a newspaper. Instead, he was leaning on the desk apparently fast asleep. Which sent up minor alarm bells in Saguru's head, seeing as there had not been a heist the previous night. Preparations for one perhaps? 

Saguru not-so subtly nudged the desk with his foot, causing Kuroba to open one dark eye and balefully glare at him for interrupting his nap. 

"I wanted to express my gratitude." Saguru said, realising the incongruity with his actions and not particularly caring at the moment. "Thank you."

His bit said, he meandered over to his seat, Kuroba sitting up to stare at him with a sceptical expression, like he was expecting to suddenly discover that Saguru was suffering from a brain injury. Aoko wandered over from where she had been talking to Keiko, a puzzled expression on her face. "You're welcome." Kuroba said cautiously. "But for what?"

Saguru debated his words for a moment, aware of Aoko and the rest of his classmates eavesdropping presence. "For being refreshingly normal." He finally decided on. 

Kuroba stared at him for a long moment, Aoko tilting her head to the side in confusion as she glanced back and forth between them. "You." Kuroba finally concluded before he put his head back down on the desk. "Have a very bizarre definition of 'Normal'."

"Probably." Saguru agreed. But at least when dealing with the Kaitou Kid, he did not have to worry about a sudden malicious attack coming from the thief. Distracted, driven to frustration, taunted and gassed, possibly. Probably. But knives or axes or stealing children? No.

"You both are -weird-." Aoko finally announced as she walked plopped down in her seat just as the teacher walked in, the start of yet another mundane day at school beginning. 

Saguru smiled to himself. He'd take this version normal any day over the others. 

-fin-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stories Referenced:   
> [Thumblina](http://www.surlalunefairytales.com/thumbelina/index.html), [The Little Mermaid](http://www.surlalunefairytales.com/littlemermaid/index.html) and a brief mention of [The Ugly Duckling](http://www.surlalunefairytales.com/uglyduckling/index.html) at the end, all by Hans Christian Andersen.   
> Also [The Frog King](http://www.surlalunefairytales.com/frogking/index.html) and [Rumpelstiltskin](http://www.surlalunefairytales.com/rumpelstiltskin/index.html).


End file.
